Spending Youth, Source of Regret, Buddies and Bullies
Issue 738 » May 17, 2013 - Rajab 7, 1434
Al-Qiyama (The Day of Resurrection) - Chapter 75 : Verse 6
There are people who desire to continue in their wrongdoing throughout the entirety of their lives. Although people may be aware of ultimate accountability, they put off repentance as if they are guaranteed a long life. This is an ethic exemplified by the saying, "Sow your wild oats," which advocates getting all the lewdness and sin out of one's life when one is young, and then later calming down and adopting religion. Besides the obvious error of this ethic, another terrible flaw is that people die at all ages, and some never get the chance to repent and make amends. Moreover, what kind of repentance is this when people intentionally indulge in sin banking on the possibility that later on in life - after all the energy and drive diminishes - they will turn in penitence to God? We know that God loves those who spend their youth obedient to Him and His commandments.
"Purification of the Heart" - Hamza Yusuf, pp. 90, 91
Source of Regret
Bayhaqi mentions that, according to Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'An hour that passes during which a person fails to mention Allah, will be a source of regret for him on the Day of Judgement.' He also mentions according to Muadh ibn Jabal (may Allah be pleased with him): 'The people of Heaven have no regret except for the hour that passed them during which they did not remember Allah Most High.'
The Prophet's wife, Umm Habiba (may Allah be pleased with her) said, 'The Messenger of Allah declared, "All the servant's words are against him, not for him, except those enjoining fairness, forbidding evil or mentioning Almighty Allah.'" [Tirmidhi]
Muadh ibn Jabal said, 'I asked the Messenger of Allah, "Which act is most beloved to Almighty Allah?" He answered, "That upon death your tongue is moist with His remembrance.'" [Mundhiri]
"The Invocation of God" - Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyya, p. 46
Buddies and Bullies
A lot of times, when a parent or teacher tells a kid that they are using words to hurt and/or scare another kid, they try to pass off their remarks as just jokes. "I'm only teasing her," you hear bullies say. But hurtful cracks are some of the cruelest weapons that bullies can use against a helpless kid.
Sure, I understand that everybody jokes around. And there's nothing wrong with having fun with your friends. None of us wants to be too sensitive. There's nothing wrong with being able to take a joke.
But everyone needs to know the difference between "good" teasing and "bad" teasing. There are some very clear ways you can tell the difference between jokes among buddies and harmful insults from bullies.
- Joke around in ways that make you both laugh.
- Don'ts joke to hurt your feelings on purpose.
- Stop joking if they think they might hurt your feelings.
- Don't get angry if you joke back with them.
- Always use jokes to hurt you.
- Refuse to allow you to joke in return.
- Keep insulting you even after they know they have hurt your feelings.
- Often get upset when you ignore their jokes.
"Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies" - Jay McGraw, pp. 21, 22